


Monster

by Xiolluc



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Steven Universe Future Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23393461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xiolluc/pseuds/Xiolluc
Summary: He'd been a little present mentally, at least, when everything had gone to hell.(Steven Universe Future Finale Spoilers)
Kudos: 75





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read. I was struck by a thought and spilled out these words like half an hour ago. Probably a lot of mistakes, but I'm gripped with too much emotion to stop now.

"I'm a monster!" he'd cried out, kneeling on the floor.

After that, everything had been slightly fuzzy, as if someone had tried to turn radio stations but had only gone halfway, the sound of the radio presenter still sounding, but swallowed by static.

He vaguely grasped at the idea that at last, finally his body was telling everyone outside what he truly was inside.

A true monster.

Though, it didn't really feel like his body, even if it was. The static surrounding him lifted him away, as if he were watching himself from outside his body. Everything felt fuzzy, like a cloud had descended upon him.

But, he knew. He knew that to show people what he really was, he'd have to make them take note of his actions. Merely standing there like so wouldn't be enough to make them realise. They'd dealt with too many corrupted gems to believe he was a monster even if he looked like this.

He turned towards the people clustered on the beach, shouting towards him. What better way to make them understand than show them what he was truly capable of? Maybe a repeat of what happened to Jasper would drill it into their heads...

He was irredeemable.

He remembered what had happened with Jasper, all too fresh in his mind. He'd had fun, that's what hurt the most. He'd been treating it like a game, and he'd _laughed_. He'd laughed as if it was nothing.

He screamed at himself and bashed his head into the mountain. How could he be so cruel?

He'd faded out of conscious for a little, acting instinctively as the people drew him out until they chained him to the ocean. Good. He deserved prison.

No, that was wrong, he didn't.

He deserved death.

They still hadn't understood how bad he was. Why were they trying to save him? More people showed up, making him pause in thought.

He had to show all of them...everyone. They had to know they needed to stop beating around the bush and shatter him already.

The yellow one had tried to change him forcibly. As if that would help. All that would do was brush the dust under the carpet, for now. It would still be there, unfixed.

The blue one had tried the same, to meddle with his emotions without consent. That too, would only mask the true issues without resolving them. He threw the attempt back at her. Even if it would be nice to feel happy, he didn't deserve it. He'd done too much to be allowed happiness.

Why were they still around?

The white one had stepped forward and for a moment, he saw himself towering over everyone, a monster, evil, and screamed.

It hurt. It hurt so much but nobody could help. He wished everything would just end. They couldn't help him, so he'd do it himself. He'd be his own destruction.

To do that, though, he needed to be free of these chains... He roared, hoping the people would be washed far away from him with the chains. They couldn't do anything.

Ah, wait, he still needed to show them how bad he was. They hadn't understood yet. He moved towards them, glancing over which one to pick as his example of how evil he truly was.

Before he got there, a giant hand rose out of the ocean to stop him. No! They couldn't stop him now! They needed to see how low he'd fallen! It took a while to overpower the arm, but he eventually managed to slam it into the ocean, where it disappeared. He turned and headed back to the cluster of people on the beach. They hadn't left while they could, so there was still time to show them.

Huh? Why were they running towards him too? And...

Why had they decided to tackle him? Were they going to kill him now, strangle him to death? Wasn't the easiest way for them, but okay.

What..?

What was this feeling... Hugging? They really thought this could save him..?

They were saying things, the cloud over his mind began lifting, the storm that had been ever-present for a while was now dissipating.

The words that rang out to him, that anchored him back down properly, that made his eyes well up with a flood of tears...

"You must have been so afraid..." she had said, stroking the bridge of his nose, before giving him a kiss that changed the entire universe.

Was he really a monster, if she could give him a kiss filled with so much love and kindness..?

He woke up, staring up at the great blue sky, sniffling, and his eyes widened as Connie wiped tears off his face. Looking around, he saw everyone was there for him...everyone.

Sitting up, he looked at his human hands, stuttering out half-written thoughts that never finished themselves. He hadn't hurt anyone, had he? Were they ok-?

Lion popped up in front of him, giving him a huge lick.

Steven sniffed happily reaching out for Lion's fur, chuckling as he hugged the fur baby. His laughter dissolved into ugly sobs as everything crashed back down on him. Lion sat there patiently, not worried by soaked fur. He couldn't stop the tears, they kept running, just like his nose. The involuntary sounds, as he wheezed for air, too, were unstoppable.

Everything had gone so wrong, everything that had led up to this moment but...maybe now, things would be...ok. Not good, not yet... Good takes effort, but... at the very least, maybe everything would be ok... 

**Author's Note:**

> The show's ending felt...incredibly cathartic. I didn't think I'd end up writing this because the finale felt so nice, I didn't want to do anything with it... But I ended up with this... I got a little carried away, but I had fun pouring emotions into this, heh...
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed the finale too.


End file.
